Happiness

What’s Love Got To Do With It?

Hi Guys & Gals, I have not posted a blog for some time.  Things have been really busy. I am currently at home recovering from knee surgery so it’s a great opportunity to catch up with the outstanding to do’s.

I have covered this topic on my radio show a couple of times and the response was great so I thought I would discuss it here.

What’s ‘Love’ Got To Do With It?

This was the issue that many pondered last month as it was February, which in the commercial world is the month of love.  The month when you are to tell your significant other, how much you love them.

So what is love? Over the years this question has been pondered by many great thinkers and lay persons alike.

There are many definitions of what love is supposed to be. For example, being selfless or giving seeking nothing in return.

Or some people describe it as some sort of feeling, the flutter in the heart, the nervousness, lust etc. We may get these feelings when we are with that person or when we are missing that person.

These bodily sensations are what we use to determine our readiness for entering relationships. Is that right? I think you would agree that our relationships need to be built on more than these for them to be successful.

Often times we tend to learn what love is by experiencing what love is not. We tend to learn through bad experiences such as hurt, pain and abuse.  Some of us have experienced some pain in the name of love.  And some of us have inflicted hurt, pain and abuse on others in the name of love.

We also confuse the feelings of lust and gratification with the feelings of love.  Our egos with all of its conditioned behaviour patterns and conditioned beliefs tend to control our behaviour rather than love being an expression of our true and essential self.

There is a difference between love and romance and for the record I believe we do not need a particular month to express to your partner how you feel.

Whilst romance is a feeling, love is a state of being. Love transcends the ego in order to connect with another person. Romance is nice and has its place and many of us want this as a key aspect of our relationships. However, the problem is generally what we feel we want and what we need are two different things.

On a tangible level there are some key points that a relationship needs to be functional so ask yourself the following:

  • Communication – Are you able to communicate both the good and the bad? We may find it easier to communicate the good but what about the things that you may feel are not so good, those sensitive issues, are you able to communicate these things in a respectful manner?
  • Personal accountability – are you forever pointing out the wrong the other person has done without looking at how You can make the situation better?
  • Do you foster an environment of peace, harmony and respect? Or is it one of anger, shouting, volatility, slamming doors, throwing items etc?   Sometimes we are so determined to fight to be right rather than to fight to save the relationship.  I say ‘Fight for the things you love, love the things worth fighting for.’

The most difficult fight is usually not with another person but with yourself, with your own ego and internal battles. But it’s worth the challenge because you will grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Self- Love

‘I love myself ’. We say it, we sing it, we read about it but do you really love yourself?  I mean truly love yourself? I am not talking about egotistical or conceited love. But to love yourself enough to establish what you deserve in your relationships.

We may say that we love ourselves. However, as women we often sell ourselves short and accept circumstances or negative behaviour from another in the name of love.

I have worked with women who have not established what they want in their relationship and as a result have become self-inflicted victims of dysfunctional relationships.

I too have fallen prey to this in the past and remained in relationships knowing that I was selling myself short. Saying that you love yourself and demonstrating that you love yourself are two different things.  I am sure that we have all experienced this. For me this has included being in past relationships where my partner was not fully present (physically, emotionally or both) and I would settle for less than I deserved, all in the name of what I thought was love.

As I look back, I can see that each relationship had been a reflection of the view I held of myself at that time.

The process of loving oneself is constant and you must ‘check in’ with yourself on a regular basis to reflect where you are with the self-loving and how it manifests in all the areas of your life.

So whether you are currently in a relationship or not, take some time to evaluate your self-love, evaluate where improvements can be made and set goals to improve it.

After all, as the song says ‘Learning to Love yourself is the greatest Love of all…….’

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2 Comments

  • Reply
    Clive Greyson
    8th April 2011 at 4:38 pm

    just read your blog. i like the fact that u involve u in the conversation and didn’t comment from the ‘side lines”

    • Reply
      Sonia Shepherd
      23rd April 2011 at 3:09 pm

      Thank you for your comment Clive..And thank you for subscribing to my future blogs.

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